how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
