ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
sarcasm needs its own font
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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