Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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