Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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