So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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