Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
