You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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