My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
