i need an iv and a liver transplant
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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