is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
