There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
