Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Watching her eat just hurts me
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
