i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
