remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
