my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
