Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are leaves in my underwear?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
