you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
