Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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