I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
