Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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