Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
