Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
