Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
