I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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