Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
