so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
