yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
