...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
