I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
