thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
