Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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