Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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