my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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