Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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