i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
BRING THE BAGELS
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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