I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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