I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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