I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
