the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
