Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
