Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
