billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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