There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just gift wrapped bread.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
