i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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