this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
