wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
