i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you never un-have a 4some
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
