Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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