If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
