I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize