The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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