at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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