Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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