You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
