I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
