Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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