I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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