my vag is so smooth its legendary
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
