I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
