my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
