I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
