Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
