It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize