Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize