i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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