Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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