I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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