Yo dont text me then not text me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
