At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
