The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
