Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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