I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize