That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
