Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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