who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize