i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
