I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
