I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
