i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
