Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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