i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
