I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
