her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
