That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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