I accidentally had phone sex last night
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
