I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
