i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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