is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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