I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
