white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Panties = found
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
