My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
