I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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