you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
