My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
