drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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