my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
