its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
