we're blogging at a bar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize