How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
