Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
