Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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