What a fucking waste of an outfit
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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