do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
