I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
